April 22, 2001

The Inserts and the Pop-Up Window

     There's nothing more relaxing than slipping into the hot tub with a freshly arrived magazine. The warm water and refreshing words make a great combination. Pleasure built upon pleasure, that is, until the first subscription insert card falls into the water. Why must magazines persist in the most obnoxious form of subscription solicitation? Does some magazine mogul remotely think that the insert assault makes points for his book. Not in my world, pal. Video magazines have learned from the worst of them.

     It's not bad enough that I am forever bending over to retrieve floating flotsam inserts from the floor, the fact of the matter is that my garbage collection bill is certain to go up. Is there ever but a  single insert strategically placed in the magazine? No way! If you throw one away, another is sure to slip from the magazine. It's like a cloning disease. You simply can't get rid of the pesky inserts. They should hog whip the guy who invented this form of magazine torture.

    But wait: Ingenious web perverts have adapted the magazine insert concept to devious proportions. When I check the scores at ESPN.com, why is it that I inevitably have shut some pop-up window that clangs onto my computer screen with all the subtlety of Mike Tyson in a clinch. Want to fill out the latest Biz this or that Survey? Its a pop-up every bloody time you buy a DVD at certain sites. Right, you're gonna win something one of these days. Just pick the right door. You might as well spend your time picking something else.






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